Every woman (and/or man) knows that weight is something we all struggle with. Whether it be on our minds or physically on our shoulders….and hips, and thighs, and butt, etc. This is a little story about me, myself, and weight.
I seem to be obsessed about weighing myself. After stepping out of the shower, I would nimbly place a big toe, the rest of my foot, then both feet on the scale and stare down at that circular dial with numbers jumping every five pounds. Standing naked, on the scale thinking to myself how I could make that number go down, I spoke aloud to myself “maybe if I took my towel off. Dried my hair?” And yes, the idea of “dropping a deuce would take a pound off” went through my head, since others rave about feeling sooo light and fresh after an episode with the restroom! I kept wishing and hoping that the stupid little needle would fall below the number it pointed to last week.
It wasn’t until CrossFit that weight was just a number to me. Yes, sad but true, I let a number drag me down, follow me around, and kick me in the butt. I started training for my first half marathon and started feeling the difference running makes. I felt great after I finished but when I started to just work out twice a week, the weight came back. Oh and by the way, sitting at a computer starting at spreadsheets for 8 hours a day is what I call work. That too prevented me from getting up and moving around. No wait, it didn’t prevent me, I prevented myself. I worried about sitting around too much, eating too much, and getting “gluteus maximus flatus”. With that said the weight that once moved on, moved right back in……this time brought roommates and rented out my hips, and face. I stressed. I got discouraged. I saw that blasted needle point its way to the higher numbers. The w word got to me, again. Why was I so obsessed about this number and not doing something about it??
It wasn’t until one day, my husband and I started on half marathon training just as winter was leaving and spring came. I had a nice winter “coat” going and I felt quite bummed. At least 3 times a week, we would run about 3 miles on the treadmill, and some kicking and screaming on weights. As for the time spent running, I would stare down into the CrossFit area, wondering and thinking “they are crazy, they are insane, they are……fit!” Not once did the weight word come into mind as I saw each individual working their butts off. I was curious and then we joined! First day, I didn’t think about weighing myself, I thought about grabbing “pukie” and giving him a great big hug and letting all my emotions go….along with a bit of breakfast. I felt fabulous! Working with individuals, an occasional war cry here and there, and a few high-fives, CrossFit was a part of me now!
As the months went by, working my butt off, (or at least thinking I was) I weighed myself. I was shocked, I weighed the same, if not, gained more! I kept thinking “this is NOT supposed to happen! I am supposed to look like Jillian Michaels!” I used the Paleo diet as guidelines, I tried watching my portions. There was that W word haunting me again. I surveyed quite a lot of girls about their weight and they too said they gained after joining CrossFit. I was shocked at the numbers they were giving me, but they didn’t look an ounce over what they thought was gaining weight! I have to admit, I was very down until my husband had to talk some sense into me. He said that not only have I gained some weight (he winces!), I looked great and fit……like the rest in the class. He told me not to worry about the numbers, the only number I should be worrying about is the reps, the weight on the bar, and the AMRAP……you get the idea. At 5’1’, 140 pounds of muscle is OBVIOUSLY going to look much better than 140 pounds of fat. I still struggled to ignore that number, that W word, but I have a new outlook on what I should work towards. I need start believing my husband and start looking at the healthy, fit, and stronger me. Here’s a secret for those of you that are afraid of your weight, it’s all in your head. Slowly but surely, it’s becoming embedded in my mind as well, but with a daily dose of encouragement…..and throwing out that scale, confidence will be on your side! “CrossFit For Life!” is what my friends would jokingly say in a manly growl. Yes, that is true J Whatever keeps the W word and number off my mind!